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PR: @DSisive 'Run With The Creeps' (The D-Luxe Edition)
Posted by Steve Juon at Tuesday, November 20th, 2012 at 2:30PM :: Email this article :: Print this article

PR: D-Sisive 'Run With The Creeps' (The D-Luxe Edition)

Courtesy Matt B.

(***Publicists Note---A Self Penned Letter From D-Sisive In Lieu Of A ďProperĒ Press Release***)

Dearest America,

I know you very well, but you donít know me at all.

My name is Derek Christoff. Iím 32 years old and still working on my demo tape. A demo tape Iíve been working on since 2008. Still trying to live the dream; embarrassingly.

I rap. Iím a rapper. I rap through the pseudonym ĎD-Sisiveí; a tragically spelled rap name I came up with when I was 15 years old, flipping through the D section of the Websterís dictionary. Its weird being middle aged and having a rap name, and I say middle aged because I donít know many 65 year olds.

Iím overweight. Not cool, Action-Bronson-overweight. More awkward. Philip Seymour Hoffman overweight. Jonah Hill. Needless to say, I wonít be having many One Direction enthusiasts with my Tiger Beat pin up in their lockers. If youíre an editor at Tiger Beat, I clean up nicely and look slim in black. If youíre not interested, Iím fine with that. Itís not the language I want my music to speak.

The language my music speaks is English. Through the English language, it speaks heartbreak. Since my mother died in 1998, my life has been riddled with heartbreak. I donít put it out there for hugs and sympathy. I put it out there to tell my story. Definitely a lame working-on-my-novel-in-Starbucks sentence, but sometimes weíre that lame. I wasnít confident when I first started penning autobiographical songs. I was convinced nobody was going to give a shit. But, fortunately, and unfortunately, I was wrong. Discovering I wasnít the only one going through what I was and helping others discover this through my words, was pretty amazing---and assuring.

Iíve done OK in Canada, which is where Iím from. Toronto, to be exact. Three of my seven albums have been nominated for Juno Awards. We refer to them as Canadian Grammys, but they hold nowhere near the same weight as your version. All seven albums have gone number one on Canadian College Radio. Two have long listed for the Polaris Music Prize, which we refer to in the press as the Canadian Mercury Prize. Its funny how Canadian things need to be referred to as a Canadian Ďsomething-from-another-country-with-more-relevanceí to sound important. Thatís where Iím from. Canada. Canadian Tuxedo. Thatís why Iím trying to make it in your country. Mine isnít enough. Fuck. Everywhere else thatís not you isnít enough. Thatís why we all dream of making it in America. The American dream and with all of the above to my rap name, I type this with $63 in the bank---and with all of the above to my rap name, you still donít know who I am.

I chose to write you personally, instead of trying to get your attention through a fabricated Bio with exaggerated adjectives painting me as the next big thing. It felt more real to me. We can bullshit through bios all we want, but it doesnít really get us anywhere if you hate the music. Hopefully this makes you want to listen to the music. Thatís what this is all about, right? Itís not about this resume cover letter, promising you Iím reliable and will make it to work on time every day. Youíve read it all before.

Hopefully the help of a publicist can get my music listened to, and my resume read. Cold-emailing a blog doesnít work. The press releases remain unopened in trash bins with the other four hundred pitches you receive daily from Rupert Pumpkins like me with a bandcamp page---and I donít blame you.

Who knows? Maybe there is room in your corner of the world for a middle-aged, overweight, sad song rapping Philip Seymour Hoffman. Modeling myself after James Murphy helps me sleep better, but then I wake up and remember thereís only one James Murphy; and heís not that fat. I donít know? Itís up to you, I guess.

Please listen to my music. I promise Iíll never be late for work.

Hope you invite me over for some meatloaf.

Best Wishes,


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