PR: J-Zone on Pay Phone Pimpin', Upcoming Book
Courtesy of J-Zone.
First order of business - Pay Phone Pimpin' makes a triumphant return
Clark Kent didn't change into Superman at a T-Mobile store.
From the debt ceiling debacle to poor communication in relationships, every problem in this world can be traced back to one common cause – the morbid and slow death of the pay phone.
There's nothing more nauseating than watching an adult fully-engaged in an incessant, “LOL” / “OMG” / :)-laden all-day text-a-thon. Especially when it’s a grown man attempting to gauge his chances of getting some play from the woman he’s texting. You lil' broad, put some damn bass in your voice and call the chick up already – preferably from a pay phone. You'll have an answer in four minutes or less. Barry White and Luther Vandross would be disgusted if they were alive to see this milquetoast, emoticon-driven softness. The gradual disappearance of pay phones disturbs me so much that I've filmed a video demonstration on the lost art of Pay Phone Pimpin'.
Read my explanatory blurb and see the Pay Phone Pimpin' video here
Click here to go directly to YouTube and see a real Pay Phone Pimpin' tutorial (given by yours truly)
Second order of business – my upcoming book
Root for the Villain: Rap, Bullshit, and a Celebration of Failure will be released this fall (I'll have an exact date in September). I held off on posting the previously promised excerpts from it this summer because...well, that's no longer an issue; the summer is over. I'll be back in September with the promised excerpts and much more. To all my newbies receiving a lengthy unsolicited e-mail from me for the first time, find out what this book is all about on my website, www.govillaingo.com. Scroll to the bottom of the home page to find the "If You" bullet-pointed list of gripes and idiosyncrasies you absolutely must have in order to enjoy this collection of think pieces, memoirs, and curmudgeonly rants. If none of those bullet-points speak to your personality, you're better off reading Eat, Pray, Love or Rich Dad, Poor Dad or some sh*t.
Here's a link to a photo synopisis of the book for those with ADD or muthaf*ckas who can only understand things with pictures and sh*t.
If you're one of the 0.0000002% of the people in the world that will appreciate this book, stay tuned. I'm the Crazy Eddie of insubordination and lampoonery (without the fraud charges).
Third (and final) order of business – recent J-Zone articles and press
Until the book drops, here are some recent editorials I've written and posted on my Ego Trip blog for your reading pleasure.
Click here to read about why rappers must understand that “conversate” is not a real word. "Imaginate" and "Pronunciate" don't exist, either. They sound fairly impressive and have high syllable counts, but nah fellas, y'all are f*ckin' up. And although you can drive a Mercedes, you cannot drive a “Moorsadus”. Rap music has bludgeoned the English language with glee for over two decades, and quite frankly, she's tired of it. I'll be damned if pronunciation and grammar faux pas in rap music ain't highly entertaining, though.
Click here to read my tribute to the late, great Peter Falk (aka Columbo) and a host of other great, disheveled, and overweight '70s cop show stars. TV in 2011 is pure trash. How can we have villains in one hour TV cop shows and they're scared of Trans fat, do cardio six days a week, and use V-05 Wet Look in their hair? Picture Wo Fat from Hawaii Five-O on the South Beach diet. And what the f*ck is with this Detective Eliot Stabler clown from Law & Order: SVU? He's partnered up with Olivia Benson for 14 years and never tried to lay any pipe on her? That woman is built to last. Joe Mannix or Jim Rockford would've broken Olivia Benson's headboard a few dozen times already.
Click here to read why Tim Dog's Penicillin on Wax is the greatest rap album ever made. Better yet, it could be the greatest album ever made period. (EDITOR'S NOTE: We also have a review HERE on RapReviews.com.)
Of course, you can find these articles (and many more), a few recent interviews I've done, and all things noteworthy at www.govillaingo.com
That's all I've got for now, but I'll be back book chapters very shortly. In the interim, stop “LOL” texing and get your wanna-be mack daddy, Teddy Ruxpin-cuddlin' asses on down to a pay phone. Stop being soft.
(aka "The Pay Phone Pimp", "The Onion Ring Pimp", "Chief Chinchilla", "Captain Trans Fat", "$ir Charge")
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