Steve 'Flash' JuonIn the annals of rap The Dogs are a one hit wonder without the sense to quit when they were ahead. Their lone hit “Crack Rock” helped their debut album peak at No. 37 on the Billboard “Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums” in 1990, but they never came near that modest level of success again. Case in point? Their sophomore album “Beware of The Dogs” stalled at No. 55 and as far as I can tell no singles were released to support it. The tired sound of songs like “Radio” prove there was no reason for one.
Even though this album came out in 1991, the Disco Rick production and lyrical delivery from the group sound like pre-“Gangsta Gangsta” N.W.A. “Back to the motherfucking topic (you keep forgetting)/All I got on my mind is just fucking/a bitch, another bitch, and another/I know I got my motherfucking mind in the gutter.” It’s a drinking game. Every time one of The Dogs says any form of “fuck” or “motherfuck” take a shot. No wait, don’t do that. You’ll suffer from alcohol poisoning before you get through “Radio” let alone any other song on this album. When they’re not trying to prove they deserve their parental advisory sticker, they try to prove they are a low rent 2 Live Crew with songs like “Get Down.”
“Get down, get down, pull yo’ panties down/bring that ass to me, let me get some pu-ssy” is a chorus that deserves an award for crassness, and that’s in a genre with hit songs like “Bitch Betta Have My Money” and “Blow Job Betty.” It would be vile if it wasn’t so silly — before the track is over they start singing “all the hoes is sucking dick, sucking dick, sucking dick” to the tune of “London Bridge is Falling Down.” When you’ve been forced to resort to mimicking nursery rhymes and turning them into odes for fellatio, you’ve officially lost any argument that you are hip or cool. The Dogs had no chance of that to begin with, but with each subsequent song on “Beware of The Dogs” they go further astray.
“Life About Crack” shows that these dogs have neither bark nor bite. It should have been called “Crack Rock Part 2” but remarkably they didn’t want to be THAT obvious. Fresh out of ideas for how to be either sexist or vulgar, The Dogs decided to recycle their only hit and throw a thin veneer of “kids stay off drugs.” That wears off immediately when they throw out lines like “all a nigga want to do is get them guts.” If you get “them guts” from a crackhead, you’re probably not going to like what you get with it. Incredibly and inexplicably a woman named Sexy C makes an appearance on “Sexy’s Got Beef.” It’s the only tolerable song of the album because she’s the only person to step up to their stank attitude.
“I ain’t with that dumb shit/and fuck you too Disco Rick.” About time someone said it. Sexy probably should have had a solo rap career, but not on this label or with this producer. Either way nobody bothered and Sexy is so forgotten she didn’t even get a credit on the actual album — modern day historians have given her what she deserves. It’s on brand for The Dogs to treat women poorly but to see them do it in real life and not just lyrically feels especially low. I could go on about songs like “Work That Ass Baby” and “I Know a Bitch” but let’s be real here, there’s no need to. Every song is the epitome of TRY HARD. They wanted so badly to piss off old white people and Republican politicians, but copying what 2 Live did doesn’t make you 2 Live too. It’s phony as fuck.